Parents Are Pissed About This Children’s Book That Doubles As A Naughty Sex Guide

I imagine teaching children about sex is confusing, and there’s probably a fine balance of being biologically accurate without encouraging them to engage in risky behaviors at too young of an age.

What information to divulge and how to do it is probably a complicated process, and all anyone can worry about is how to mess up their children the least.

Well, speaking as a non-mother and someone who feels much closer to her youth than adulthood, this creepy-ass children’s book with pretty bizarre (and slightly graphic) drawings is probably NOT the way I would go about teaching my kids about sex.

Off the bat, super creepy cover. The dad and mom look like total creeps. Look at that cat. That is a cat who has seen some things, my friends. The dog doesn’t look to be any less traumatized and don’t get me started on the crooked picture frames. You animals. Either way seems pretty child-friendly, right? Ehhh maybe not so much.

Oh, it’s describing sex!

There’s sperm in her tummy, embarking on the “Great Egg Race”

I laughed pretty hard at “we was robbed”

It gets really weird here. These sex positions are WILD — we’re talking colorful balloons and a freaking SPACE HOPPER

Sex on a skateboard? While doing a handstand? AND THE KIDS ARE STARING WITH GOOFY GRINS

Finally, there’s this extremely accurate summary of what happens to Mommy

The mother who discovered this book, Katherine Peck, told the The Mirror that while her 4-year old son didn’t seem to know what was going on, her 8-year old was “intrigued by the explicit nature of the book.”

She also posted pictures on Facebook, and the comments there are hilarious.

One mom wants to buy it for her son:

While another was outraged at the sex positions

This woman pointed out that it’s actually a popular children’s book in the UK. Of course.