If you’re looking for some highbrow comedy, this is not the list for you.
But if you’re looking to roll your eyes so hard that you can’t help but laugh? Well, friend, read on.
Q: What’s red and smells like blue paint?
A: Red paint.
Q: What’s brown and sticky?
A: A stick!
I’ve been really down lately, but my friend keeps telling me it could always be worse. He says I could be trapped in a hole in the ground filled with water.
I know he means well.
Bonus joke!
Q: Why did the blind man fall in a well?
A: He couldn’t see that well.
Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A: Fsh.
Q: What did the pirate get on his report card?
A: Seven C’s.
Have you laughed yet? Don’t worry if not. I’ve got more where those came from…
Q: What’s green, fuzzy, and could kill you if it fell out of a tree?
A: A pool table.
Q: What’s the best part of living in Switzerland?
A: Hard to choose, but the flag is a big plus.
A bird was sitting in a pine tree when suddenly, an elephant started trying to climb up.
“Hey! What are you doing?” the bird asked.
“I’m trying to climb up so I can eat some pears!” the elephant replied.
“…But this is a pine tree,” the bird said.
So the elephant said, “I know! I brought my own pears!”
(True story: I have told this joke to my co-workers on two separate occasions and could not get through it without crying at how funny I found it both times.)
A man was walking around with two carrots stuffed into his ears.
A woman asked him, “Why do you have carrots in your ears?”
He answered, “WHAT?!”
I just bought the world’s worst thesaurus.
Not only is it terrible, it’s terrible.
(No, I’m still not done. I have five more of these babies…)
Man: Doc! I’ve broken my arm in several places!
Doctor: You should stop going to those places.
Q: Where did Napoleon keep his armies?
A: In his sleevies.
Q: What did the farmer say after he lost his tractor?
A: Hey, where’s my tractor?
A polar bear walked into a bar, sat down, and said, “Hey bartender, I’d like…………….a beer.”
“Why the big pause?” the bartender asked.
“Oh, these? I was born with ’em.”
Aaaaand finally:
via: Getty
A limbo player walked into a bar.
He was disqualified.
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