This whole article is based on the assumption that you still have faith in humanity, so if that’s already gone, congratulations! You are one step closer to reality, so feel free to skip straight to #1.
For the rest of you: Haven’t you been paying attention? Humans are terrible!
1. Why don’t you just take it a step further and blast a fart into the seat, huh?
Then you can check every box on the “Making Transit Worse For Everyone” score card.
2. I am fully doing the Liam Neeson Taken speech at my computer right now and cursing this cereal killer.
Cheese fiend, mark my words. I promise you that your day will come — and soon.
3. Well, at least cheese-based “cooking” can’t get much worse than that.
Or it can. Anything is possible if you believe in yourself and want to make a French onion oops.
4. So, nobody’s gonna give my beloved cheese a break?
My only consolation here is that she probably got yelled at by the people she was bringing that pizza home for.
5. Who’s the absolute sadist who designed this elevator panel?
I had to stare at this for ages before I realized the pattern, and even then it’s barely contained chaos. What a nightmare.
6. You had one job.
Also, how dare you get almost 12,000 views on this when my solo re-enactment of Citizen Kane in a T-Rex outfit got, like, 10 views? Unsubscribe.
7. This one’s not so much the card itself, but the fact he had to clarify what’s up.
Probably worked better when he worked as a bank teller, to be honest.
8. I don’t understand. I don’t just mean this weird nail job, I mean I don’t understand humanity anymore.
Also, I would 100% have stained these with soy sauce and chewed them off the first moment I got hungry.
9. It’s like labeling yourself, except for people who can’t read.
But then you’d see an arm and be like, “Oh, that’s an arm,” but you already saw the arm it’s on… My head hurts.
10. I think I’ve gotten past disgust for humanity into, like, a weird admiration for people?
It’s pretty impressive that people can have passwords like “iheartbieber,” give them away online by accident, but still (probably) function in society.
11. Yeah, never mind. Admiration gone, disgust returning.
I have no idea how a person stands in front of a mirror with this on and goes, “Yep. That’s it. That’s what I’m leaving the house in today. Nailed it.”
12. Honestly, it’s a good attempt.
I mean, I don’t have candles in the house, so good job on that one. But it’s a poor birthday cake indeed that has zero frosting on it. 6/10 for effort.
