While it is true that dirty jokes are often funnier than ‘clean’ ones, the following 48 jokes, however, might change your mind. The best part? They are totally clean, and you will freely be able to tell these to your family. So let’s begin, shall we?
#1 Tripping.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
#2 Surprised.
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
-megan_james
#3 Cannibals.
Two clowns are eating a cannibal. One turns to the other and says “I think we got this joke wrong”
-Moltenfirez
#4 Flamingo.
My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
-Spysquirrel
#5 Outlaws.
What’s the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted.
-Dave-Stark
#6 Elephant.
I bought my friend an elephant for his room.
He said “Thanks”
I said “Don’t mention it”
-3shirts
#7 Epi-Pen.
I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me when he was dying, it seemed very important to him that I have it.
-kate_winslat
#8 Beer.
I poured root beer in a square glass.
Now I just have beer.
-PM_ME_TINY_DINOSAURS
#9 Hippo.
What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
-alosercalledsusie
#10 Orange.
My friend says to me: “What rhymes with orange” I said: “no it doesn’t”.
#11 Coming fifth.
And God said to John, come forth and you shall be granted eternal life.
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
-PM-SOME-TITS
#12 Opticians.
How many opticians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Is it one or two? One… or two?
-Undescended_testicle
#13 Airplane.
What do we want?
Low flying airplane noises!
When do we want them?
NNNEEEEEEOOOOOOOOWWWWWW.
-Tetragon213
#14 Flip-Flops.
What do you call a frenchman wearing sandals?
Phillipe Phillope.
-Sooowhatisthis
#15 Carrot.
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
-BiffWhistler
#16 Magical dog.
What do you call a dog that does magic tricks?
A labracadabrador.
-leahcure
#17 End of the world.
So what if I don’t know what Armageddon means? It’s not the end of the world.
-Jefferncfc
#18 Wales.
How do you get two whales in a car? Start in England and drive west.
-fireworkslass
#19 A blind man.
A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
-ImHully
#20 Old man.
Why did the old man fall in the well?
Because he couldn’t see that well.
#21 Thesaurus
I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it’s terrible.
-Rndomguytf
#22 Stepladder.
This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder.
-WikiWantsYourPics
#23 40 sheep.
My friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep.
I said “40”
-3shirts
#24 One armed typist.
I’ve found a job helping a one armed typist do capital letters.
It’s shift work.
-3shirts
#25 Bobsleighing.
I went bobsleighing the other day, killed 250 bobs.
-breadman666
#26 Titanic.
What do the movies titanic and the sixth sense have in common.
Icy dead people.
-mysevenyearitch
#27 Knock Knock.
Knock Knock
Who’s There?
Dishes
And Dishes Who?
Dishes Sean Connery.
-Birdie_Num_Num
#28 Corduroy pillows.
Have you heard about those new corduroy pillows? They’re making headlines.
-Deerhoof_Fan
#29 Other side.
Two men meet on opposite sides of a river. One shouts to the other “I need you to help me get to the other side!”
The other guy replies “You are on the other side!”
-The2ndKingInTheNorth
#30 Baseball.
I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
-KaboomBoxer
